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There are many vague, intangible ideals I expect out of
life.. such as decency.. truth.. recognition.. pride..
Like everyone else, I have fundamental beliefs which are
so deeply imbedded and complicated, they are nearly impossible
to describe. The best explanation is to simply say: “This is me..”
One day, when the children go wild with noisy activities,
I might think all I want out of life is a little peace and quiet.
The next day I may decide to help my husband more in his
business. Although I handle the office work, he is the one who
knows the worries and pressures. He is the one who tells me:
“Why don’t you take the afternoon off?” …. But there is no
one to release him from the tiring schedule.
The day after that I’m liable to be touched by a trace of
guilt and discover all I want is to be a good mother.
Or I may make up my mind to be an efficient homemaker..
In which case my family might easily fall into a dangerous state
of shock.
An overpowering ambition I have never been able to subdue,
is that of becoming a writer…. And I know I will always devote
a great effort in this field, because writing is as much a part
of me.. as any instinct or streak of philosophy that makes up
my personality.
There is no greater satisfaction than to do something well.
That is probably why I like to write. I can write and re-write
and edit… until I see on paper exactly the spirit I wish to
communicate…. And if one other person understands… and is
moved by my words…. Then all the work has been worth-while.
I suppose that is actually what I want out of life….
Simply to do what I do… the best way I can.
I am here today, because I find my position in life to
be…. a bit more that I’m entitled to. It seems to me,
the prestige given to an active citizen and guiding parent..
should be earned by the actions and guidance of such a person…
by her sacrifice and example and interest…It should not be
handed to her.
Naturally there are times when I feel mighty sorry for myself..
When I am momentarily convinced that I never came close to
getting one even break.
But mostly there are times like now, when I realize the
exceptional fortune which has come to me and I feel obligated to
do something more than just be grateful.
I have three healthy, mentally alert children.. A hard
working, generous husband.. A comfortable home.. I have loyal
friends.. The advantage of living in this fantastic country..
of voting.. Of meeting with educators and lenders on an equal
basis.. And yes, I’ve recently sold my first article to a magazine.
To me, it would be pushing my luck to stand up here and say
I want further rewards merely because I exist.
What do I expect out of life? I expect laughter.. and
excitement.. and surprises, many of which will be disappointing..
possibly heart-breaking.
I expect to see my children grow and be enthusiastic and
take on their responsibilities with more grace than I have been
able to summon…
While all the time we remain comfortable with each other…
and proud of each other.
And I expect to grow myself.. I have always been hungry for
education.. eager to share the world of books and teachings and
imaginative people. Now that I have a second chance to study it,
my sense of adventure is aflame with the thrill.. the challenge.
Perhaps I know the frustrations we talked about during our
earlier class. If I do, it’s a good thing.. for this feeling
of inadequacy opens my mind… fills it with questions…
and forces me to reason.
What I really want out of life is to earn these things I
already have.
What I expect out of life… Is to be worthy of it!
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